For the first time in, oh, ever, there will be no weapons allowed at the graduation ceremony at the U.S. Naval Academy.
This means no ceremonial swords. Never mind the fact that the ceremonial sword is part of the uniform of the very same officers who have sworn an oath to - among other things - obey the orders of the President. As my father, who retired after 30 years service as a naval officer, reminded me: full dress white includes "wear sword." No, we can't have swords there... to dangerous... too... militaristic.
I suppose while we are at it, we should remove all the cannons from the campus.
You know... the Navy SEALs are weapons.
Better be sure none of them are in attendance. That includes you, Jesse...
I suppose we'd better not have the Blue Angels fly over this year.
Perhaps we should do away with the drill team.
Actually, better do away with all the marksmanship training, too.
After all, why do we even need weapons? Instead of combat training, let's give our best and brightest advanced negotiation and mediation training!
Why even have militaries? Get rid of the service academies! After all, all these kids could have gone to schools like Columbia or Harvard, where they could have studied the nuances of foreign policy instead of being indoctrinated into jingoistic nationalism camps.
Clearly, we have been doing this wrong all along. Thank God, er, I mean, thank OBAMA we have finally seen the light!